iloveyou.

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 15:03:14 GMT

so hm,
haven't updated the LJ lately,
but ch'yeah.
ilove D4L+
they're my clique basically.
loveyoubitches<3.
and i love my boys. :)
me and samer still aren't together.
he's talking to other chicks, i say whatev. fuck him.
i've been really fiesty lately.
but everything amuses me.
we're not going to cancun anymore :/ that really upsets me.
but PCB once again for spring break.
we got the condo and it's alot cheaper but that means i gotta get 2fakes. greatttttttttttttt.
but ch'yeah, hopefully it'll be fun. samer's going.
dear god, i'ma die. lol
but i've been working not as much as i used to. paychecks are getting smaller.
only about 300$ now.
damn. i need more work.
but i work tonight.
and hopefully i get to see my boys<3.
goodbyeeee.
♥

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 07:10:38 GMT

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Thu, 31 Aug 2006 06:58:45 GMT

Choose 10 of your favorite movies, and post a still from each of those movies. post a comment guessing what they are :)

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GUESS AWAYYYYYYYYY!

i know most are easyyy.

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 18:41:39 GMT

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let’em out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though goin’ on with you gone
still upsets me
There are days every now and again
I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me.

i hate this.
i hate love.
i hate caring when he doesn't.
i literally cannot take it.
the only times i feel content is when i drink, and that doesn't always help.
things have changed so much.
i don'thave real bestfriends anymore.
it's like i don't even remember what it was like when i had a real bestfriend.
i'm so down lately.
but i can't cry.
:( :/

Tue, 04 Apr 2006 01:36:02 GMT

WATERPARK WITH AMBER FOR SPRINGBREAK!!! :) :)
i miss that chicaaa!!
&&her family!
woooooo.

payday tomorrow toooo.
i better save my money,
which means, i gotta stop from spending it all on alcohol or shopping or food. lol

i party like crazy and i love it,
and i have the bestfriends in the whole world :)
♥

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 18:34:10 GMT

if you didn't do this on my deadjournal..
then here it is for livejournallll :)

1. Reply with your name&I will write something I like about you.
2. I will then tell you what song/icon/movie reminds me of you.
3. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
4. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
5. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
6. I will tell you what animal reminds me of you.
7. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.

♥

Tue, 21 Mar 2006 03:28:23 GMT

uhm, how long has it been since i wrote in this?!

well loads is diff.
samer had sex with brittney in december.
and nothing has been the same since summer.
i love him, and he lost his love in me.
so as of right now we're done.
and he doesn't care.
and i'm trying to pretend i'm fine with it,
but deep down, i'm like dyinggggg.
i need him and he doesn't need me,
he's perfectly fine without me, i don't understand.
but somethings just have to end.
but yeah,
goodbye.
felt like a needed update?
♥

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 09:57:08 GMT

wow, long time no update huh?
well, i tan now. :)
ch'yeah.. on the road to darker skin.
uhmmm, i cut my hair after how long.&& it's really healthy now.
so i visited dan yesterday after like 3-4 months.
hmmm, Margie&&Ricardo are my favorite people ever.
i got my job at penn station for over 3 months now.
and i am gonna get another one.
i sold my nova and am looking for a car of my dreams.
hmmmm, i'ma soccer groupie&&proud of it ;)
welllllll, yeah .. pictures maybe???
♥

Long pretty hair :( :(

New too short hair :( :(

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 02:20:59 GMT

i'm not happy anymore.
♥

:/ :(

Sat, 27 Aug 2005 18:20:37 GMT

So basically.. school is funnnn :) i love all my classes and the people in my classes.
i love talking&seeing people i haven't seen ina long ass time.
i love my friends with everything i have.
me&samer are shit right now, but it's ok.. i'm not really stressing about that kid anymore really.
i just need some friend time cus he's diff. and weird&i don't like who he is now.
butttt.. work is okay. i can't wait until pay day i know i worked alotta hours so hopefully i get loads of money cus i need money sooooooooo bad. and iuno when payday is though :/ :/ gahhh.
gas is killlinnnggg me, and my car sucks sooo bad. i just needa new car. :( but yeahhhh...
nick's was alotta fun last night. :)
but i'ma go :) goodbye.
♥

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 06:04:41 GMT

so me&samer are dunzo.
it sucks.
iuno...maybe this is another regret?
who knows anymore.
but FUCK LOVE.

"if love be rough with you, be rough with love..."
-Romeo+Juliet♥

..so basically, shit's aboutta change with me.

every step that i take, is another mistake to you...

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 14:07:11 GMT

well, i have strep throat&it hurts :( :(
my parents are out payced for a few days in florida.
uhm, iuno.. me&samer have been hanging out everyday so far.
lauren&stacy kinda hoed on me yesterday, kept saying they'd come over and like 2-3 hours later they still weren't over so whatev with that one.
but, warped tour was 2 days ago.. it wasn't as fun as last year, but it was okay. atreyu was amazing. ♥ ♥ ♥
Registration for school is the 19th and school starts the 25th. yeah, i'm soooo not even ready. i hate it. to think anothherrrr long time of school. it just sucks cus summer went by too fast.
but, i'm out.
♥

long time..

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 17:18:05 GMT

so haven't updated in a LONG TIME.

so to update you guys....
got my license, got ina accident already. got the blazer taken away. so now i will be driving the nova once again. i had a job interview at penn station restaurant hopefully, i get the job. uhm, i have been hanging out with abbass and his friends whom i loovvveee very much so ♥ and i've been having loads of fun. but samer comes back friday, iuno if i'm happy or kinda bummed :/ but iuno.... i gotta go clean my room. goodbye
♥

Fri, 01 Jul 2005 05:51:46 GMT

so i will be in florida for about 2 weeks.
♥

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 21:19:17 GMT

First of all.......
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEE the new layoutttt ♥ :) :) :)

but this entry will be a VENT entry!

so let's think....samer's off at his country. i miss him, i really do. but it's just weird like i'm not even thinking about him really. i feel blank. like i'm not missing anything or whatev. and iuno.. i just feel weird. like i don't feel like i know him, and it's not the same even though he just left about 4 days ago. ooh well, these days have went by soooooooo slow. it's like a snail. but good news!!! i leave for florida next friday so i'm fucking EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) well anyways, i'm really disgusted with myself. i really wanted to get fit this summer and fix myself up but alls i'm doing is getting fatter and nastier. i'm not proud of myself. i feel like i really let myself down. and samer's sexy and skinny and everyone wants him but yet what am i? fat, ugly, big boobs only? nobody wants me. well whatever, it's all just getting to me. and who knows. i feel as though me & samer aren't going to make it, it really upsets me. i really wish we'd laugh cus i can see me with this kid for the rest of my life, but shit will most likely happen and we'll split. anyways, most highschool relationships NEVERRRRRRRRRRRR work. and iuno, i feel like i have no bestfriends right now. i mean they all seem to have their other friends. and like lauren&stacy are butt buddies. but yet i feel like i'm the 3rd wheel bestfriend and like they don't even wanna hang out with me. then i love abbasshoe to death, that kid is like my good friend, but stac&him hate eachother so it's difficult. and i just wanna car so i can go visit alot more people. like i know i'ma visit arafat alot when i get my license cus he's my bestfriend and i love him very much, but i never get to see him :/ iuno... i just miss old times. but i need to stop complaining. i'ma mess.
♥ :/

la la la la la..

Wed, 25 May 2005 18:50:56 GMT

well yeah, this actually isn't going to be a venting entry :O :O holy shit right?!
well just to update...
UPNORTH LAST WEEKEND WITH FLAPPIES WAS AWESOME<3. I'VE NEVER HAD THAT MUCH FUN IN FORRREVVVVERRR!
but it was just a blassttt :)

so iuno.. me&samer have been on & off like woah. it's so retarded.
but yeah, seniors leave tomorrow.. i'm happy for most of them leaving.
thank god.

but my dad got like 30 pounds of steak, more now so i'm excited. haha
♥

the thirtieth of april seems like yesterday..

Mon, 09 May 2005 00:17:31 GMT

okay so i deffinetly am in need of venting since it's been how long since i have vented?!?! well.. prepare me to use this journal more and to read my rants&raves about dumb shit.

so you see, me&samer are almost 6 months.. it's been amazing for the most part. we've had our good and bad times yes. but like we have our fights and we've had these close to break ups and take "breaks" it's just dumb i don't know but like lately it's been all me. it's me being jealous. i hate being a jealous person, i reallllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyy do. but it's just like girls these days, YOU CANNOT TRUST THEM. okay, so myspace fucking pisses me off. dumb slutty girls on there that want my bf's nuts majorely. i really dislike it. and it really does upset me. so i tell samer and he seems to care at that moment but then he tells me how dumb i am and that it's not a big deal, blah blah blah. but you see.. it's just how he is with other girls that scare me. cus he's so friendly&flirty. it i uno..i get uncomfortable. but anyway, he tells alotta people "iloveyou", "imissyou", "we're hanging out", "cutie, sexy, beautiful, gorgeous" ...etc. it just i uno erks me. i dislike it very much so. but anywho, it's just like got me thinking alot lately. so i guess you could say i've been really down lately and beginning to be depressed ever so much just like i was last year after me&ry. i really do not like this. I LOVE BEING HAPPY. i love to be the fun me. but lately, i can't it's like i'm too attached to samer and i'm making him too much of my life. i'm seriously being rediculous. i want to get some medicine or something.
but you know what's weird....

okay, so i found out in youth assistance, when people have sex, girls release this type of gland or something that guys don't have..it's attachment. this is why girls get more attached after sex than guys do. i feel this is partially it. like i'm soooo attached to samer. i need to get away or something and help myself out. give some space. i think this summer, as much as i feel i'm gonna hate it, i think it's for the best that samer's gonna be gone like 38 days. we need that time away from eachother. we need to see if our love is strong enough or if we really are just desperate with eachother and if we can stay true or if we are just some dumb boring high school "teenage love" couple. i really want to test the relationship. i have alot of questions i wish i could answer. it's so different for me. like the slighest things get me mad lately. and i try SOOOO hard not to let things get to me or to at least pretend like nothing's wrong but shit, i'm just a bitch and a horrible person i guess. cus i feel like i have to be with samer 24/7 or i'm not happy and i get pissed. and it's so dumb of me to be like how i am, but it's just like something that happens. i really cannot help it, i know people say you can help it.. but honest to god, i can't.
i really need help.
but, i need to go redo this layout...
♥
tomorrow's our 6 months.

i used to get the worst looks...

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 01:17:37 GMT

THIS IS ME UPDATING!!! FIRST TIME IN FOREVERRRRRRR!!!

so me&samer almost 6 months :) i'm excited.
i love him very much.

hm, nothing exciting has been going on.

finished drivers ed seg. 2 yesterday.
youth assistance is fun. :)
i ♥ court, erin&cheddie.

..but yeah, just felt the need to update.
nobody's probly gonna read this.

♥

every breath we take..

Tue, 14 Sep 2004 19:20:48 GMT

Comment to be added :)

♥

our life lies standing broken..

Wed, 01 Sep 2004 00:49:43 GMT

first day back to school was amazing :)

me & graham talk alot now :) yay.

suchan is in my bio. i <3 him. he's sucha sweety..

my lunch rocks!! it has tondreau, kovacs, penina, suchan, perry, bart, adam, chris & whoever else but those are my fave people in there :) i ♥ it.

but yes, me & jonathon don't have lunch or any classes together :( doesn't make me very happy!!

plus, i don't even get to see the awesome jimmy doyle :( it upsets me also..

but, Let's see.. cory's in my 5th hour, how awesome that is, NOT!! i honestly don't see me getting along with this kid. blah.

but Mhm, i give stac & rach a ride to school.. & rach, stac & laur a ride home..

family vaca to mammoth cave this weekend. i want stac to go with me.. but hm, i'm out.

♥ Comment bitches.

angel you are, please rescue me..

Sun, 29 Aug 2004 19:03:47 GMT

Ok, so first of all my happy news..ME & RYAN SCOTT ARE OKAYYYYY!! he forgave me finally!! it was about 3 or 4 months, but yay excited that he forgave me :) i <3 him. lol..

but first of all.. to represent matthew, jake, ry, & perry..
View their Purevolume Profile for their band.. www.purevolume.com/capitalassumption < Represent babay! :) i <3 those kids dearly..

But yeah, didn't go to TRP with jimmyjames, acd, & steph today :/ i was like knocked out tired & sick. & i feel really bad cus jimmyjames called and i guess i was yelling at my dad to get out? i don't even remember.. but i feel HORRIBLE!! :(

other note, i'm still sick and i didn't go to sleep until 7:30 in the morning :O i just couldn't fall asleep.. :/ blahk.

But school's tomorrow. i'm mostely looking forward to 4th hour now. that hour should be fun :) i'm having sean take rach & stac to school with me everyday so that should be sweet..

But, i have the biggest headache & my throat is soooo sore, so i'm possibley going to go lay down and wait for stac to bring me bk fries hopefully ;)

♥ Comment.. plus i redid this layout :)

i can't forget..

Thu, 26 Aug 2004 16:41:11 GMT

i hung out with amb these past 2 days :)

amb & stac got signs from this texas chain saw masacre looking house with stac, dan and amb :) i ♥ my bestfriends :) ..it was fun.

Glam :)

I look upset :/

Ooh baby, i look like a genius ;)

This is my fave picture! i love it :)

Haha, kissy Kissy :P

MWAH! my lips look huge in this :)

Prettyful & innocent

Hm, goofy pondering? haha

:)

ME AND AMB LOOK SO FUNNY IN THIS!! our bodies look so small and our heads look HUGE!

awh, what a cute pic of us :)

haha. :P :)

RARR!

we're just goofy!

haha, look amb's a PIRATE!! "yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me.." PSH

:O BEAVER FACE! haha, i can just see him doing it now

Sexy ;)

Mm.. WHAT?! hah

how sweet :)

haha, you gotta love this picture!

LOOK I HAVE AN AMBER TOUNGE!! hahahah

i like my hair right here.

cute right. lol

I'm in love with my eye makeup!!!

haha, it's all just part of modeling..

act of emo?

Mm.. i'm so silly..

PSH

i'm trying a new style.. lol

DUDE, i'm in love with my hair :)

ehk, jessica simpson moment?

haha, i have no clue?

Mm, officer Southard reporting to duty ;) haha, i'm retarded.

♥

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 18:17:37 GMT

Ok, so been hanging out with stacy like everyday this summer lol :) Bestfriends fo sho! we're actually not hanging out right now though.. haha.

I got a diff comp in my room :) it's ALOT faster!! Yes! haha.

School Next monday :/ deff. not looking forward to it..
Classes
1. Ponitowski-span3
2. Colatruglio-autotech1
3. Buckalew-amerhistory3
4. Bozyk-BiologyMole
5. Falardeau-IntegMath2
6. Potoniec-Lit/composit

I just have a feeling this year is gonna be dramah though. Hm

Slowely as you let go of my hand
i watch you walk away from me
my nights are colder without you around
smiles mean nothing more than just false happieness
tears flood my eyes everyday
our songs play over and over again
i sit and look through our old pictures
old memories set to stay forever in my mind
constantly i replay your 3 little last words
i love you now means nothing more than lies
looking around for my way out
the bright colors have faded to darkened shades of grey
drown myself in my own blood
my heart stopped when your love for me ended
i'll just be forgotten like i was never your everything
you once saved me from this cruel world
why weren't you there once again when i needed you most?
waves suffocate my last breath
i know i was your favorite game
and you could only pretend for as long as you did
you made me realize nothing lasts forever

Warm sunny days only show on the outside
nobody sees her from the inside
filled with thunderstorms that constantly strike her Heart
rain suffocates the hearts beating pulse
blood choking the veins from it's original flow
although nobody sees it, she's slowly dying inside
not all beautiful sights are what they seem.

mistakes are constantly made
my world's falling apart.
hard to believe somebody show to have it all, really is weakest of all.
nothing to live for.
paranoid of all her actions
emotional pain is taken away to physical pain
scars are her best kept memories not for show.
each step only adds to another fall
words become regrets..
one slice to the throat but left with no gasp of air
fragile as glass and every piece is shattered
no colors show that life still remains
lullabys sung as suicide dreams
burning in her own pain
memories erased by the towel as it wipes up the blood
red pain spilling from the open wound
no longer in pain
left alone in her self caused puddle
once swept away and she'll forever be forgotten.

Decisions gone wrong
you've made the turn for the worst
you've left me here to face the world all alone
i know soon you'll regret it
i always knew i was the best you've ever had
pretend all you want baby
games can only be played for so long
one day i'll end up being the one to leave you
maybe then you'll want me
Maybe's usually Never turn out right
I'm left executed from the human race

sophmore year she never even reached
tragic summer caused her hurtful decision
alone to face the world
no strength to go on
ended all her problems
forgotten 'i love yous' to be said
no last saved memories
gone like a breeze softly passing by
she'll never know her life long path
died still a child

As you can tell i used to be Very depressed.. i needed to get my writings out there, good or bad it got my pain out and even if it couldn't be put to the right words able to be understood it helped me become stronger and get over my depression

♥ Comment

You're addicted to the drug of lust..

Sat, 21 Aug 2004 17:22:33 GMT

Ok, so things lately are crazy and constantly changing..

me and laur are okay again.

Uhm, i don't know.. i had registration on thursday and got my hair done wednesday. i like my hair alot.. my classes sort of suck though :/ but YAY first hour with jimbo! haha, should be an awesome class.

but i don't know, i've changed alot.. outside and inside. i don't know how to explain it.. and i don't know, i'm kinda like trying to figuire out the "real me" lately. and it's really tough.. i just don't understand life and i'm trying hard to get it.

Boys, Boys, Boys :/
i don't know.. i want to find the most perfect guy and have a relationship again, but yet i don't. i'm scared to get hurt. i don't tell my feelings anymore. just when i thought i changed and i learned and i was everything i guess i wasn't so i'm scared to be myself. i don't even know who i was anymore.. god, maybe i am just making this worse for myself. I WANT A DAMN FUCKING KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR TO SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET AND FALL MADLY IN LOVE! :(

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All This Time You Were Pretending
So much for my happy ending

It's nice to know you that were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

but, i'm going to see Without a Paddle today with chris kelsay, chris smith, amb and stac :) should be fun. and dan's coming over after work.

♥ Comment.

This is just the entry from my dj

Tue, 17 Aug 2004 18:20:55 GMT

Okay, so sunday was AMAZINGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

got ready and such.. lol we cooked eggs because i didn't get any sleep whatsoever. but finally chris came to get us around 9. so we picked up tony and brandon then we drove to the silverdome..

got there and had to wait for like an hour to get in.. hm it was crazy we only saw chris and brandon at first. then got in there and went to the stage where sugarcult was gonna play :) we had to wait for like 30 minutes or so.. then FINALLY sugarcult came out!!

ok, sugarcult mosh was the first moshpit i had EVERRRR been in besides like the local band show moshes.. and i was flipping out i was sooo scared. me and stac lasted like 2 or 3 songs in the mosh then we got out of it and went towards the middle but on the side away from the main mosh.. it was crazy. then we went walking around, lost brandon and chris and tony in the crowd but found tony.. so we went walking around and such.. then found chris and brandon. then amb and jessica got there. said hey. saw steph, jess, margie, eileen then..

we went and saw taking back sunday!! omfg that was by far the scariest/craziest yet funniest thing ever! first we started off being like the back row then by the end we were the middle of the crowd.. lol it was crazy.. so before tbs went on these guys behind us go.. YEAH WE'RE GOING TO RUSH THE CROWD, JUST TRAMPLE EVERYBODY IN OUR WAY, WE RUSHING THE CROWD.. and keep going on. so me and stac are like UH?! :O we got kinda scared.. so then tbs came out and started playing so everybody starts moshing.. lol OMG it was CRAZZZYYYY but i loved it, even though i thought i was going to die and was scared for my life.. haha.. well after a few songs we wanted to get out of the mosh and it was so hard to get out.. i stepped on a girl's face. awh i felt really bad! but i kept going then we went to see billy talent :) then we went walking around and i bought some stuff..

i got a nfg wristband, matchbook romance wristband and shirt that says "hang the dj", tbs shirt and a cd from some band cus i felt bad for them.. lol

then we went and saw coheed and cambria :) omg, somebody threw a camera at the singer guy.. lol it was kinda funny.. but we then went and saw nfg.. kinda crazy though we were in the front on the side.. and everybodies arms were in my face and they all smelt like b.o really bad! lol, stac almost got in a fight with this one chick.. kinda funny. then we sat on the grass with kenan for a few. then we went to the yellowcard stage :)!!! got towards the middle of the crowd in the back and went..

CROWDSURFING
okay, kenan put me and stac up then we were CROWDSURFING :)))))) omg amazing. lol. the first thing was my shirt flew up..ahh not good my boobs were like out and stac mooned like EVERYBODY HAHAHAH!! hilarious but i fell down then i had this guy put me back up, then i fell once again and me and stac met up in the crowd which was odd we fell down in like the same place ? lol these guys were like crowding me when i dropped they're like OMG ARE YOU OKAY?! freaking out.. haha kinda funny. so then these girls put me and stac up in the air again.. crowdsurfed all the way up to the front.. and right when i got down julie calls my name and i say hey then i run off and stac met up with me at that blow up thing. looked for kenan got our stuff then headed off to the maurice stage.. saw atmosphere? it was pretty sweet i liked em. we sat around then we saw burning brides, uhm ewh, they sucked.. but we sat there to stay front row for matchbook..

FINALLY matchbook romance came on! and omg lemme tell you everybody just started pushing us into the bars :O ehk! it was crazy.. but okay, crowdsurfing people galore.. IF YOU'RE FAT LIKE REALLY FAT PLEASE DO NOT CROWDSURF!!! that is the most painful experience.. then GUYS, DON'T WEAR STUDDED BELTS CROWDSURFING.. it may be hot but not crowdsurfing it hurts like a bitch scrapping your head!!!!!!!!!! lol.. but matchbook rocked :) then they got finished and we had to go to the bathroom.. but those fucking porter potties was fucking gross!!!!!!!!! but we found a decent one and went. lol sat around for a few.. then went to go see story of the year :) it was fun.. chris OMG i should have murdered you!!!!!! throwing water on me and throwing me on those cardboard boxes in front of everybody like starring!! omg, crazy.. i was :/ bummed. lol and this girl came up to stac and like i guess her thong was hanging out and she like put a yellowcard sticker on it! hahaha! hilarious stac was flipping out.. haha but then we left and met up with chris, then found brandon, tony, and henry.. drove back home i fell asleep for a while. got dropped off then just passed out here around 10. lol

hm, woke up around 12? lol sore as fucking EVERRRRRRRRRRR! then got cereal sat around then got taco bell.. then we just sat around, watched tv and went driving around for a while then came back sat around more and then got burger king. lmfao omg the no eating yesterday really got to us, we ate ALOT today and stac is in the lead with bbq wings thingy.. lol but we just sat around all day then went to sleep..

woke up this morning around 1:30 took a shower now i'm just sitting here and stac is in the shower now. we're going to get some mcdonalds soon. Possibley hanging out with chris today! :) and tomorrow we get our hair did!!! :) yes! registration on thursday.. i deff. don't want to go back to school.. i have a feeling this is going to be a drama filled year!

♥

& i'm extremely happy because people are asking me if i wanted to model and that i should model and that i look like i have or what not so i'm feeling good about myself :)